Look down at what your holding: is it tiny and limp? Think about that before you head to the conference centre. What, you’ve already turned off your blackberry last night? Gonna boast to everyone who’ll listen you’re not paying attention to prices today? Give me a break. You build a position and hope the stock price goes down as you do it? Did you hope your wife started cheating on you the day after you were married too? You disgust me. Pious pr*ck with your book value and slide rules. So what if your accounts compounded up in some small caps? Over a decade plus? BORE OFF. Did you ever try putting on some portfolio leverage and taking a visit to FAT CITY? How about you go home to the ‘burbs and your Mrs Doubtfire looking wife and climb up on that once a month for a minute’s gasp?

If you get permission! I’ll be the one in Tribecca taking some fresh head nightly off of a pair of teenaged Latvians. Did you ever go toe-to-toe with the centrals? No. Did you ever try putting on a spread once in a while? No. Stick your non-recourse where the sun don’t shine and try some real margin for once. I’m talking hardcore repos, tick-for-tick, bleary eyed at 3am. Pull that f**king trigger for once, you b*tch. What, you’ve STILL got 10% of your funds in Berkshire? M. U. G. So what if I had to fold my whole hand. Just ‘cos you never went bustid don’t mean you don’t bore everyone to death. What, you hung up on yet another broker? Made it oh-so-politely clear they shouldn’t call? How about I put an army of sell-side families in chicken dinners and new suits with my vig. And then took them for some cocktails and burlesque at W28th for good measure. Try maybe spraying it around once in a while? Don’t make me YAWN with your ten minute pitch on some obscure mittlestand engineering concern on 5x EBIT. How about growing a pair and getting five times your equity in cable already? Try tasting some euphoria once in a while. Look down your nose at me running 25% in some 20x sales nubile which is gapping up? Go f**k yourself you motherless f**k. Are you getting the point yet? Anyway, its time you scuttled in to see Warren. Good luck with that. But let me first make it crystal: f**k all you value investors. Now shake it off and zip that embarrassment away.