- “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart” – Masai Graham
- “Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one…” – Stuart Mitchell
- “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10” – Mark Watson
- “Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit” – Mark Smith
- “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second” – Will Duggan
- “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated” – Tiff Stevenson
- “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words” – Gary Delaney
- “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor” – Adele Cliff
- “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” – Annie McGrath
- “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask” – Jordan Brookes
- “Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first” – Michelle Wolf
- “I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound” – Roger Swift
- “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer” – Arthur Smith
- “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses” – Zoe Lyons
- “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word” – Phil Nicol
Archives of “Humour” category
rssMario Draghi's Favorite Joke
In his latest “What Next in The Global Economy” note, Morgan Stanley economist Joachim Fels passes along the following little story about Mario Draghi:
Who said central bankers have no sense of humour? During a recent dinner at Frankfurt’s Senckenberg Museum (the home of Germany’s most extensive collection of dinosaurs) Mario Draghi told the crowd his favourite joke:
A man needs a heart transplant. Says the doctor: “I can give you the heart of a five-year old boy.” “Too young.” “How about that of a forty-year old investment banker?” “They don’t have a heart.” “A seventy-five year old central banker?” “I’ll take it.” “But why?” “It’s never been used!”
I like the joke, and not only because I consider myself an economist working for an investment bank rather than an investment banker. Mario Draghi’s joke conveys a simple but important message: central banking is about making rational, cool-headed and unemotional decisions in often difficult circumstances. In the 15 years of its existence as the keeper of the euro, the ECB led by Mario Draghi and his predecessors Jean-Claude Trichet and Wim Duisenberg has had to make a lot of difficult decisions in difficult circumstances. A few of these decisions were questionable (though typically only with the benefit of hindsight), such as the rate cut in April 1999 or the rate hikes in July 2008 and in April and July 2011. Most of the other ECB decisions were just right or even hugely successful – just think of Mario Draghi’s announcement in July 2012 to “do whatever it takes” to safeguard the euro. (more…)
Humour Time -But It's Naked Truth
The essence of chutzpah
Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance. It’s Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, “No other word and no other language, can do it justice.” This example is better than 1,000 words. Read the story below the picture and then you will understand.
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel. This went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady’s stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him. Without blinking an eye she said: “They’re thirty five cents now.”
Career advice
What is going on in Europe at the moment ?
New Golf expressions
A ‘Rock Hudson’ – a putt that looked straight, but wasn’t.
A ‘Saddam Hussein’ – from one bunker into another.
A ‘Yasser Arafat’ – butt ugly and in the sand.
A ‘John Kennedy Jr.’ – didn’t quite make it over the water.
A ‘Rodney King’ – over-clubbed.
An ‘O.J.’- got away with one.
A ‘Princess Grace’ – should have used a driver.
A ‘Princess Di’ – shouldn’t have used the driver.
A ‘Condom’ – safe, but didn’t feel very good.
A ‘Brazilian’ – shaved the hole.
A ‘Rush Limbaugh’ – a little to the right.
A ‘Nancy Pelosi’ – Way to the left and out of bounds.
A ‘James Joyce’ – a putt that’s impossible to read.
A ‘Ted Kennedy’ – goes in the water and jumps out.
A ‘Pee Wee Herman’ – too much wrist.
A ‘Sonny Bono’ – straight into the trees.
A ‘Paris Hilton’ – a very expensive hole.
A `Tiger Woods’ – Wrong Hole.
Humor Time -Great Reply
Happening in India :Trickle Down Economics
Teaching Math
Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set “M.” The set “C,” the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set “M.” Represent the set “C” as subset of set “M” and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set “P” of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, an unenlightened logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels “feel” as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2002: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?
Teaching Math in 2010: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. The federal government bails out his firm. How much is his bonus?