“Spain is not Greece.” Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, February, 2010.
“Portugal is not Greece.” The Economist, April 2010.
“Greece is not Ireland.” George Papaconstantinou, Greek Finance minister, November, 2010.
“Spain is neither Ireland nor Portugal.” Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, November 2010.
“Ireland is not in ‘Greek Territory.’”Irish Finance Minister Brian Lenihan. November 2010.
“Neither Spain nor Portugal is Ireland.” Angel Gurria, Secretary-general OECD, November, 2010.
“Spain is not Uganda” Spanish PM Rajoy. June, 2012.
Archives of “Humour” categoryrss
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland, UK
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF
8. DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10. DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE… NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, WASH YOUR HANDS, GO OUTSIDE AND TEE OFF.
‘You know that you’re obsessed with Technical Analysis when…’
*Trapped in traffic at a roundabout, you find yourself waiting for a “breakout”.
*The best that lingerie advertisements can do is start you thinking about double tops.
*You start thinking about your marriage in terms of risk-reward.
At the bank, an Asian lady is trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller,
“Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady replies, “Fluc you white people too”
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
A priest offered a Nun a lift in his car.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg & thigh;
The priest nearly had an accident. (more…)
Bonus: A form of extortion whereby employees of a company extract either shareholder or taxpayer money for their own pleasure regardless of the success or failure of said company.
Derivatives: Trading vehicles created by over-educated finance professionals for whom speculating in stocks and bonds was not quite risky or volatile enough.
Bulge Bracket Firm: A Wall Street investment bank that is literally “bulging” with off-balance sheet leverage and bloated pay packages for the architects of said leverage. They used to be referred to as “Too Big to Fail”, circa 2007-2008; they are now extinct.
Credit Ratings: These are fictitious opinions of health and financial strength that are sold to the highest bidder. The business of assigning credit ratings to bonds is similar to the business of receiving payola at a radio station for playing a particular record more often than others.
Department of the Treasury: This is a government agency in charge of rescuing companies and executives who make bad decisions or investments. Oh yeah, another minor function they serve is printing the nations currency.
Federal Reserve: An institution that ensures the inflation and subsequent bursting of asset bubbles roughly every 7 years.
Hedge Fund: A betting pool, similar to a group of employees or friends who all contribute their money to a pot and buy lottery tickets. Only in this case, a few of the participants charge everyone else involved a fee for picking which lotto numbers they will play. (more…)
The Godfather, accompanied by his stockbroker, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?”
The stockbroker interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.” The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @#!* money is.”
The stockbroker, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @#!* money is!”
The stockbroker signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!”
The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?” The stockbroker interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
The Pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The Optimist sees the glass half full. The Stock Market Day Trader JUST ADDS WHISKEY …
Market statistics are like a bikini:
What they reveal is important, what they conceal is vital!