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The top 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

  1. “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart” – Masai Graham
  2. “Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one…” – Stuart Mitchell
  3. “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10” – Mark Watson
  4. “Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit” – Mark Smith
  5. “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second” – Will Duggan
  6. “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated” – Tiff Stevenson
  7. “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words” – Gary Delaney
  8. “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor” – Adele Cliff
  9. “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” – Annie McGrath
  10. “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask” – Jordan Brookes
  11. “Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first” – Michelle Wolf
  12. “I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound” – Roger Swift
  13. “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer” – Arthur Smith
  14. “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses” – Zoe Lyons
  15. “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word” – Phil Nicol

The 7 Essential Trading Rules

1)      Begin each trade with the end in mind (have a game plan)

 2)      Always maintain a “P.M.A.” (Positive Mental Attitude)  

3)      Avoid falling in love with investments and positions

 4)      Only invest when you have an “EDGE” 

5)      The market does not know your position or how much you are up or down

 6)      Manage Your Risk: H + W + P = E

(Hoping + Wishing + Praying = Exit the Trade)

 7)      Play the game “One Trade at a Time” 

(The most important investment is the one you have right now – not the one you had in the past or the one you want to do in the future)

14 Ways to Define Market

Here is a list of 14 ways I define it.
1. based on past high-low vs multiples of ATR
2. based on the position of current close vs past high-low
3. based on change of price moving average
4. based on standard deviation of closing prices vs. percent of closing price
5. based on slope of linear regression
6. based on change of ATR
7. based on ATR vs percent of closing price
8. based on sign of average returns
9. based on average of abs(return) vs percent of closing price
10. based on standard deviation of returns vs percent of closing price

11. Vol
12. Liquidity
13. Bar size
14. Speed

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