| Hedge Fund Analyst | A person who spends their day tracking the activities of people whose job they would have liked. |
| Quantitative Researcher | A person who can attach probabilities to future events by looking backwards. |
| Portfolio Manager | A person who has an enormous breadth of knowledge across a range of industries and is an expert in none of them. |
| Strategist | A person who spends their day looking down at global events from 25,000ft but never has to land to take an active decision themselves (see “ Journalist” and “Consultant”). |
| Head of Quantitative Solutions | A person qualified to Ph.D level who used to earn an annual bonus at a CTA. |
| Head of Risk | The person who stops portfolio managers earning a bonus. |
| In-House Marketer | A person who can ascribe someone else’s success in the firm to their own activities. |
| Chief Operating Officer | The person who is thought to keep hedge funds running as businesses. |
| Deputy Chief Operating Officer | The person who actually keeps hedge funds running as businesses. |
| Chief Investment Officer | The guy whose name is on everyone’s business card. |
| Head Trader | Chief Algo Selector |
| Compliance Officer | Fulfills the statutory requirement to have a fifth column in every firm in the financial sector. |
| Head of Compliance | Chief Snitch |
| Head of Technology | The only person in the firm authorised to have self-defined mission-critical costs no-one else understands. |
| Head of Investor Relations | The person that works with the most important existing clients to tidy up the s*** created by the CIO. |
| Chief Executive Officer | The person individually chosen by the founder and Chief Investment Officer to buy the paperclips and liaise with the auditors. |
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