If you are ‘in pain’ regarding trading, what is driving you is some other desire not directly connected to trading. You are trying to fix another area of your life that you are unsatisfied with (your job, your relationship, a debt, etc) – and you have projected this onto trading as the solution to your problems. You have to just let this go, stop doing it. If you do this, you are dead as disco. Give yourself a massive time window, the same as it takes to get a PHd.