Funniest Stock Broker Quotes

“Even though your friend likes the stock thinking people will always need underwear, we have a Sell on the stock, it’s still very, very discretionary spending.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
“Should I ask my girlfriend to live with me?”
 
 “Not if you want to make her happy.”
 
 Floor conversation.
 
 
“I decided to bring my lunch in, instead of buy it. Times are tough.”
 
 “What have you got?”
 
 “Lobster.”
 
Floor conversation.
 
 
“This market is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half my wealth, but I still have my wife.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 “The guy says…I need you to…and then he stops because he has to think and talk at the same time.”
Floor conversation. 
 “I’ll do it mate, you can pay me money to do it, but you’re not going to make any money out of it”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
“If you swim with the herd……….”  
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “Is 40% manganese any good?”
 
“Where is it?”
 
“In the ground.”
 
 Conversation on the floor.
 
 
 
 “It’s not a cake, it’s a doughnut, and we’re getting the center piece.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
“There’s 370 million on the bid and 66 million on the ask. You can’t say it’s not liquid.”
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 “A lot is going to happen in the next two or three years.”
 
 “Yeh, for a start we are going to get two or three years older.”
 
 Floor conversation.
 
 
 
 “I think agricultural stocks are the way to go…every other dog has run.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “The issue’s at 0.001 there’s no downside, except 100%.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “Sell in May and go away…..Where?”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “You can start with “fakeness” and end up with reality.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “This is no fault of mine…….this time.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
“Stay away from fast women and slow race horses.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “Marriage worked when everyone died at 32.”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
 “Why are you buying that stock?”
 
 “You did.”
 
 “Geez, I’m not sure I would trail myself into that stock.”
 
 Floor conversation.
 
“The secret to a successful long term relationship is not to spend much time together.”
Floor conversation.
 
 
 
“There has been a lot of debate recently re what constitutes are Depression. Well, this is really quite simple. A Recession is when other people lose their job. A Depression is when you lose your job.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 “Is there any reason that stock is not tracking the gold price?”
 “Yes, it’s a nickel miner.”
Morning meeting question.
 
 
 “It will go back up when all of this selling stops.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 “So you want me to put a value on the ore in the stockpile that doesn’t have a market, and you want me to put a value on the company that can’t get funding and so will never produce anything. Yep, I can do that, the values will be wide ranging.”
 
Analyst to a broker. 
 
 
“The only thing that’s going to save nickel is if we can get all the Chinese to use knives and forks.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 “It’s a small gold company. I don’t know much about it. It’s probably influenced by the price of gold.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
“The stock market is down boo ho. The stock market is up hooray. OK it’s a bit simplistic but that’s the way it is.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
 
“Get 50 grand, take the mining and oil page and throw darts…..”
 
 Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
“The directors are on more boards than Kelly Slater.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.
 
 
“They have tightened up this money-laundering thing. Not that I think you are a terrorist or anything like that.”
 
Broker on the phone to a client.