Chinese Medicine

chinese_medicineQ: Doctor,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is  this true?
 A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don’t waste on  exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you  live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.
 Want to live longer?  Take nap.

 Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
 A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and  corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than  efficient mechanism of   livering vegetables to your system.  Need grain? Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy  vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily  allowance of vegetable product.

 Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
 A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that  mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness  that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

 Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
 A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you  have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

 Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise program?
 A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

      Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
      A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be    bad for you?!?

      Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around   the middle?
      A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You   should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

      Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
      A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!
      It best feel-good food around!

      Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
      A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

      Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
      A:  Hey!  ‘Round’ a shape!

      Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had   about food and diets.

      And  remember:

      Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of    arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather       to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the       other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming       “WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!”


 Eat and drink what you like.
 Speaking English is apparently what kills you.